October is a major month of celebration in the Harris family. For many of our family members come into this world during this month. But This past October there was less celebrating, for my grandmother Mary Ernestine Huntley went to sleep in Jesus.

That cut deep because I used to live four minutes from my grandma. The last time I saw her alive it was when me, the family and members of her church came to visit her at a hospital in Nashville. That day in the waiting room I was praying over and over the Lord would let her breathe without a machine assisting her. I couldn’t keep it together seeing her laid in a bed, able to hear everyone, but unable to respond.

Not long after, once she regained consciousness she explained to my dad that was ready to sleep. The Lord gave her the relief from the physical pain she was feeling. Though I think about her every day, knowing she is hurting no longer puts me at ease.

I am happy to have had a hand in caring for her in her later years. My dad would always mention that she would ask about me anytime he saw her. Watching my father, along with my mom, care for Grandma all those years showed me how we the children and grandchildren are to treat the parents and grandparents later in life. Our parents are to put our needs before themselves when we are young. As our parents grow old we are to do for them what they did for us. We must make our parents comfortable by caring for them in any way, from letting them live with us to checking on them constantly in the nursing homes, letting them not become forgotten and alone. Pray I can and will always have that unconditional love for my parents.

But what if our parents didn’t always make the best choices- who does. Perhaps the caring part isn’t all for them. Maybe the showing love is for us to feel better about ourselves for all we went through.

Too often families will bicker over things like money when a family member departs, but it was the opposite with mine. In Grandma’s passing my family only drew closer as we comforted one another and formed tighter bonds. My wife Courtni was beautiful through the entire process. Her very presence, prayers, and warm hugs gave me strength. I am grateful to have met my cousin James( Jimmy), my late Uncle Chuck’s son. In the short time I’ve spent with him I can say that I love him and look forward to seeing him again as I do my own immediate family.

Last month, I did something I never do- visit a cemetery. I don’t go out of fear of people coming up out of the graves, but because of the knowledge that many are no longer with us. I stood on the hill where Grandma lay, reminiscing about life with her. Taking her grocery shopping; loosening the tight caps on milk and juice jugs for her; and getting her Christmas gifts. Beside her was my Uncle Anthony, who passed away in 2004. Though we were not close, I still recall crying for him the night he passed away. I cried because someone had closed their eyes. Regardless of how close you are to family, you can learn from them. What can you learn- how to be better.

How do I end a post like this? I don’t know. I’m extremely rusty and loss is far from a fun topic. I loved my grandmother. The day I never have to cry for or bid farewell to anyone will be paradise.