My name is

I found myself singing the chorus of Enimen’s first hit single when I first chose the title of this blog(which has been sitting in my drafts for over a year). I love my first name. David is Hebrew, and it translates to “beloved” . While I’m not a Hebrew, or of Judaism faith, I have been told that the name suits me well. Although, throughout my life I have had a couple nicknames slapped on me, as well as had people get my name wrong.

Chris I have no twin, but I bear a very striking resemblance to my brother, whose name is Chris. Those who knew my brother growing up who first see me probably think, Chris never grew up! There is always someone at least once a year who gets my name wrong. A couple of months ago a woman at my job called me Chris by mistake. Perhaps she was thought I looked like the lead character from the show Everybody Hates Chris.

Stanley On the popular tv sitcom That’s So Raven, there was this young character with this name. He was talented, pain-in-the butt trickster who had an unhealthy crush on the lead character Raven. I could not stand him, and it annoys me now that anyone would compare me to him.

Simon Yes I kid you not, like the chipmunk, with the glasses, of the fictional, music trio The Chipmunks. An older girl called me this when I was 10 or 11.

Dave While I’m cool with this one, I never understood the need to shorten my name. It’s already short.

Derek One summer I was working maintenance for premier medical, and there was this older woman who could not get my name right. I have no idea why this woman kept calling me Derek. When I think of Derek I think of the young black character with glasses from the classic television kids’ show Barney and Friends.

King David This nickname I’m actually okay with. I don’t actually go around requesting to be called this. But it’s nice to have the name of one of history’s greatest monarchs. Granted King David made mistakes, such as committing adultery with Bathsheba; having her husband Uriah murdered in battle; and having many wives and concubines, but David was a man after God’s own heart. No matter how far he faltered, he realized his mistakes and repented. Gene, one of my church elders likes to call me King David. Everytime he addresses me by it, I know he’s going to say something crazy like “How is your Bathsheba?”, as in a special woman in my life. I reply back something along the lines of, “If you mean my car, she’s parked outside.”

Daniel Good name. Biblical name. But wrong. David isn’t that hard, people.

Bean Boy When I was little I had a love for baked vegetarian beans, so much that my older brothers called me bean boy. Now I’m kinda grossed out by the name and thought of eating large amounts of beans. I was a weird child.

Steve Urkel This is definitely the worst nickname that’s ever been placed on me. So glad middle school and high school are done with. This name resurfaced upon me last year with a former employee at work. He and I were cool, but every now and then if something slipped in my hands he would say “Did I do that?”, which was a reference to the nasally voiced; suspenders wearing; high watered pants sporting; snorting; lovable nerd some of us know from the 1990s sitcom Family Matters. Granted Steve got the lovely Laura Winslow in the end of the series, but I am not this guy! I’ll prove it.

• Throughout grade school I was never a straight A student. I got plenty of good grades, but I had my share of bad ones too. To my old school peers, I hope none of you tried cheating off me, because you probably screwed yourself, especially in math.
• Science along with math was my least favorite subject in school. English was my favorite and history was my second favorite.
• I would rather drive my father’s old truck than be caught cruising in a punch buggy.
• Suspenders are not my taste. I only wore them once during a show choir number because my pants wouldn’t stay on my small waste. And it didn’t help that I was the only dude wearing them too.

How about you? What are some nicknames that have been placed on you? Has anyone ever gotten your name wrong?

FOLLOW ME:

Private IG: @handsomeharris_7gov

Public IG: @david.speaks7